Sometimes You Don't Get To Choose
by writingmom
Summary: Mac is reminded of her place in Harm's life. As she tries to move on, someone stands in her way. Continuance of a oneshot. COMPLETE!
1. So Much for Happy Endings

She turned the key in the ignition and hurriedly fastened her seatbelt. The sound of the tires squealing made her wince, as it was late and she didn't want to wake the neighbors. A low humming noise made its way out of the speakers, and she quickly slammed the dial with her palm, annoyed at the intrusion.

She had seen things like this on TV; unrequited love finally realized over a hospital bed, an IV and a cup of green Jello. Love and boundaries seem suddenly less complicated when the almighty finger is pointed at you, reminding you that you're just a pawn on the chessboard of life. A happy ending would entail just about anything at this point. Health, recovery; love was secondary in her mind. In fact, it always had been.

The red Corvette sat lopsided between two spaces as its owner made her way through the large double doors. "Left around the corner, then all the way down. Room 342" The nurse had said. She walked purposefully down the hall, scanning the numbers displayed on the wall, making sure that she wouldn't miss it.

And then, she saw it. The door was ajar, and a soft light made its escape from the corner of the room. She tapped on the door, but made her way in before waiting for an answer.

"Mac?" He was sitting up in bed, toying with the bandage on his arm.

"Harm, I—you're okay."

"Of course I'm okay. Why are you here? How did you know?" He was guarded, restrained; not at all what she had envisioned on the drive over.

"I must still be listed as your emergency contact." The female figure in the corner arose from the chair and made her way over to where Mac stood.

"Colonel Mackenzie." She smiled.

"Catherine." She replied, suddenly feeling like the uninvited party guest.

She looked at Catherine and then back at Harm. "Well, I can see that you're going to be all right." She clenched the jacket that she held in her hands. "I'll uh…I'll let you…Goodbye."

She turned on her heel, wanting to run out of the room and to drag her feet at the same time. She waited for him to object; to call her name and to plead for her return. It didn't happen, and she inwardly scolded herself for being surprised.

She made her way slowly out of the double doors, sliding the jacket up over her arms. She opened the door to the car and fell in to the cold, black leather.

Once again she turned the key in the ignition, and left as quickly as she had arrived. _He's okay._ She whispered to herself while wiping a tear from her cheek. Nine years, seventeen unanswered calls and two broken hearts. Sometimes you don't get to choose your happy ending.


	2. Trouble

A/N: My JAG memory has gotten a bit fuzzy, so don't get picky because this is my own, made up timeline. Paraguay has happened, and Mac's visit to the hospital was after Harm had been in a minor car wreck, before he went back to JAG. Webb will be dealt with later on.

* * *

Mac grew tired of staring at her apartment walls. In the three days since she had seen Harm, she had painted and re-painted her toenails, watched eight movies, organized the linen closet and rearranged the kitchen cabinets. None of it needed to be done. She just did it because she was trying hard not to think about the fact that her friendship with Harm had once again slipped through her fingers. 

It was childish, she knew it, but she wouldn't leave the apartment for fear that he might call. When days ran into nights and nights ran into mornings, she began to question her sanity. Thinking back over the events in Paraguay, her harsh words to him, his reluctance to open up once again, the torture that she almost endured, his heroic efforts…she wondered if it would ever go away.

Work had done little to distract her. Harriet was busy with the babies and for the first time in a very long time, Mac was alone; completely and utterly alone. Getting the phone call from the hospital had given her a spark of hope; one that she swore she'd never have again, but how couldn't she? The man that had been her best friend, the man that she longed for in her deepest thoughts and dreams was no longer a part of her life.

Learning that he was okay and then seeing Catherine there had been a shock. It was so good to see him. She wanted to rush to his side and to sneak him Chinese food. She wanted to be the one to bring him home from the hospital and to run to the drugstore for him. She wanted to tease him about his being cooped up in his apartment and she wanted his advice on a case. None of that was possible now and she had to figure out what to do to move on. Again.

When she awakened the next morning, she looked over and saw the empty Ben and Jerry's container staring back at her. She'd fallen asleep on the couch with the TV and her clothes still on, but something didn't seem right. She had an eerie feeling that someone was in the room, and when she sat up to look around, her suspicions were confirmed.

"Hello, Sarah." The man smiled.

"How did you get in here—what do you want!" she snapped.

"We have some unfinished business."

"I have nothing to say to you, Sadik."

"Ah, but I have plenty to say to you."

"You're a sick bastard." When she stood to reach for the phone, he batted her arm away with force and began to laugh.

"Sarah," he was still laughing, "do you really think that I'm going to let you turn me in? You are more foolish than I thought."

"Why did you come here, Sadik. What do you _want_?"

"I want answers!" his eyes grew dark with anger and he stood to pace the room. He took a deep breath as if to compose himself. "I want answers and this time, you're not leaving until I get them." His voice was now a whisper.

Mac smirked, even though fear was threatening to take over. "Answers, about what? I know nothing and in case you haven't noticed, this is _my_ apartment that we're in. I think you're the one that will be leaving."

"Nonsense!" It was almost a yell. "Get up. It's time to go."

When Mac stared at him, he snapped again, reaching down and pulling her up by the arm.

"You really are insane. What makes you think that you can just walk me out of here? I'm supposed to be at work in two hours, you know. When I don't show up, they'll come looking."

"Let them." He smiled. "When they get here, they'll understand." He reached inside of his coat pocket and pulled out a small brown bag.

"No." Mac couldn't believe her eyes.

"Once your friends see that you've been drinking again, they'll understand." He opened the bottle of vodka and took a big drink before walking her into the kitchen. "Once more, for old time's sake?" He laughed, offering the bottle to her. When she turned her head, he smiled. "Have it your way, then." He poured the remaining liquid down the sink and then threw the brown bag on the kitchen floor.

"You've already helped me more than you know." He pointed at the empty container of ice cream and set the bottle on its side nearby. He took another look around the apartment. "Let's see…" he led her over to the windows where he closed the blinds. "Drunks like to sit in the dark, do they not?"

She had no idea how he knew that she was an alcoholic, but the fact that he had done his research to this extent made her sick to her stomach. She knew what it would look like to everyone. And Harm. She had last seen him in the hospital. He would think that she started drinking again because of Paraguay, because she saw him with Catherine... She grew angry and again tried to free herself from his grasp.

"Stop it!" Sadik yelled, grabbing her hard by both arms and shaking her. "You would be well advised to comply."

Guiding her back to the couch, he took the blanket that she'd been using and threw it across the room. "There. I think that does it."

"You'll never get away with this." She jerked her arm in a final attempt to break free, but his grip was overpowering.

"Get your coat. And Sarah," he pulled his coat back to reveal a small gun, "you're going to leave with an old friend and if anyone sees you, smile and act as though nothing is wrong. One false move, and you'll wish you had met you had never been rescued the first time."

He led her by the arm and out the door. She took one last look at her apartment, fearful that it may be the last.

Sadik led her out into the parking lot and opened the door of what appeared to be a rental car. He took a final look around as he forcefully placed her into the backseat, climbing in behind. "Go!" He yelled to the man in the driver's seat. As the car sped away, Sadik leaned back into the seat, removing his black leather gloves. He reached up and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "At last, Sarah. At last."


	3. Missing Pieces

Admiral Chegwidden stepped across the yellow caution tape that hung across Mac's front door. "Who's in charge here?" He bellowed.

A policeman in his mid-fifties turned around and spoke. "I'm Sergeant Mangus. You must be the Admiral." He extended his hand to greet him.

"That's right. I'm the one that called. What do you have, anything?" The Admiral looked around and was surprised not to see anyone dusting for prints or combing over the apartment for clues.

"Admiral, you say that the Colonel did not report to work, is that correct?"

The Admiral's eyebrow was arched. Something gave him a bad feeling that the police weren't doing their job. "That's correct." He emphasized.

"Well, sir, it appears that Colonel Mackenzie may have just left."

"What do you mean, she just left the apartment?" He was growing more agitated by the second.

"Sir, the door to the apartment was not locked when we entered. And, it looks as though she'd been drinking." He motioned to the coffee table where the empty bottle of vodka lay.

AJ closed his eyes for a moment to think. "Go on."

"Sir, it's not uncommon for someone who's been drinking to wander out of their apartment for whatever reason; more alcohol, to take a walk, to go see a friend."

"You're wrong." The Admiral said, even though deep down there was a hint of concern.

"Sir, we don't see any sign of forced entry, her things seem to be in order, there are no messages on her phone. It appears this lady got depressed about something and just took a walk." The officer lifted the empty container of ice cream and peered inside before setting it back on the table.

"That's it? You're just telling me that one of my finest officers just doesn't show up for work because she had some ice cream and took a _walk_?"

The officer let out a long sigh. "Okay, I'll bite. Has anything been going on in the Colonel's life? Any disgruntled boyfriends, additional stress, pressure at work…"

AJ shot him a glare before replying, "She's been under a lot of—" he knew that telling them about her stress would do no good. If anything, it would only prove their theory. "She's handled herself amazingly well given some changes in her life."

"I see." It was obvious that AJ wasn't sharing all that he knew. "Well, Admiral, we'll check around, talk to the neighbors one more time, but for now, there's not much we can do. If you hear from her, let us know."

"You listen to me," the Admiral stood toe to toe with the officer, "what you have here is a missing person, not a drunk civilian out for a stroll. You will keep this case open and you will gather every shred of evidence that you possibly can or else you're going to end up looking like Barney Fife on the local news, do I make myself clear?"

"Are you threatening me, Admiral?"

The Admiral stepped away. "No, officer. That wasn't a threat. Just a warning." He reached inside of his coat pocket to pull out a small white card and began scribbling something on the back. "Here's my work number, my home number and my cell number. If you get any leads at all, I want to hear about it. Understood?"

The officer nodded, but he wanted to roll his eyes. The Admiral turned and left. Officer Mangus looked at his partner who had been walking around the apartment. "These military types—always think they're in charge." He shook his head. "Let's talk to the neighbor again before we head back to the station."

When Admiral Chegwidden arrived at Harm's apartment, he began pounding on the door. "Harm, it's AJ. Open up."

Harm had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the pounding on his door. He threw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans.

"Admiral." It was a surprise to see him there.

"May I?"

"Of course, sir. Come in. What uh, what brings you by?" Harm smiled nervously. He and the Admiral hadn't spoken since his spur-of-the-moment resignation.

"It's about Mac."

"And--" Harm's face showed no emotion at the mention of her name.

AJ wanted to smack him. "Have you spoken to the Colonel lately?"

Harm smirked. "No, can't say that I have. Well, I mean, she showed up in my hospital room all worried about a fender-bender last week, but we didn't…I haven't spoken to her."

"Has she tried to contact you?"

"Before the accident, yes. She left several messages. After, no. I think she finally got the hint." Harm walked over to his refrigerator to retrieve a bottle of water. "Why, what's going on, is her performance suffering at work? Sorry, Admiral, but I'm not accepting blame for that anymore."

The Admiral shook his head, trying to contain his anger. If he didn't know that Harm's arrogance was a mask for the hurt, he would have grabbed him by the collar.

"Actually, Rabb, her performance at work is suffering a little due to the fact that she's not _there_."

Harm still didn't get it. "Admiral, I'm not sure what any of this has to do with me, but I'm sure that you'll have your perfect Marine back soon enough. Besides, if she's taken leave, why are you asking me about it? I'm out of the loop, remember?" He tilted the bottle up to his mouth to take a long drink.

"You really are a thick-headed son of a—" The Admiral stepped closer to where Harm was standing in the kitchen. "I'm gong to regret telling you this, but seeing as how you're a secret agent now and all, maybe you'll be able to put your ego aside for two seconds and help me out."

Harm swallowed and set the water on the counter. His eyes were large, brimmed with anger.

"The Colonel is not on leave. She's not on vacation, she's not on a case and she sure is hell isn't out taking a walk!"

"I don't understand."

"She's missing, damnit! She hasn't shown up to work, answered her phone, and her car is still in the parking lot."

Harm couldn't help but react in concern. "Sir, when? How long?"

"Stop calling me 'sir' and I don't know. The police were looking over her apartment and estimated that it has been 36-48 hours."

"Well what else did they say, do they have any leads?" He was trying not to get too emotionally invested in the situation, but it was proving a difficult task.

AJ paused. He knew that with the chip on Harm's shoulder, it may not be a good idea to mention the empty bottle of vodka. "When I was there, they pointed something out."

"Like what, what do you mean?"

AJ took another deep breath. "There was an empty bottle of vodka on her table."

Harm's face dropped immediately. He was at a loss for words.

"Now, you and I both know that Mac has worked damned hard at staying sober for the last several years and I find it very hard to believe that she would hit the bottle again. That's why I wanted to check with you. I know that Paraguay was a living hell for you both. From my perspective she's seemed fine, but if you know anything, _any_thing at all that could point to this behavior, then I'd like to know about it."

Harm sat down on the barstool behind him, thankful that it was there for support. Mac, missing? Drinking? None of this made sense. He had tried hard to forget the fiasco and to move on, but his feelings for her were not easily erased.

"I don't know what to say."

"Harm, we both know that she's one hell of a tough Marine, but everybody has a breaking point. Do you think that whatever happened down there, with you, would be enough to drive her to drink?" AJ wanted to hear it from someone else, someone that knew her even better, that Mac's disappearance couldn't have been related to her drinking.

Harm immediately flashed back to the hospital room. He was happy to see her, but had played it off like he wasn't, and even hoped that she would be jealous of Catherine. It pained him to see the look in her eyes and when she walked out the door, he wanted to ask her to stay but he didn't. He couldn't. Surely that wouldn't have been enough to make her want to drink again. She was the one that used the word "never", after all.

"I don't know, Sir—AJ. I don't think I know Mac anymore, to be honest with you. I mean, I can't imagine that she would ever choose to drink again, but I guess you never know someone as well as you think." He stood to walk over to the window. "Besides, shouldn't you be asking Webb about this? Why me?"

The Admiral was confused. "Webb? Why the hell would I be asking Webb about Mac?"

"Because from what I gathered, they are a couple now."

AJ laughed out loud. "Oh, I see what this is about now. You think that Mac jumped into Webb's arms after you went down there to play renegade, don't you? Well guess what, Rabb, you're wrong. Mac hasn't given Webb the time of day since they've been back, but it's not for his lack of trying. I tell ya', that guy's as persistent as Brumby ever was."

Harm turned to look at the Admiral, who was growing annoyed once again. He grabbed his cover and began walking toward the door. "I warned you, son. I asked you what you would do to keep her if you found her, didn't I?"

Harm stood silent.

"I don't know what the hell happened, or didn't happen, but I have an officer that's missing. If you think you can piece together something that might help, let me know." With that, he closed the door and was gone.


	4. Whatever it Takes

Harm waited for AJ to leave before grabbing his coat. He wanted to go to Mac's apartment to see if he could see anything that the police may have overlooked. They'd been best friends for so long that he knew her inside and out. At least there was a time when he did.

The thought of Mac drinking again was unbelievable. He had seen her at some pretty low points in life, but was this the bottom of the barrel for her? He couldn't bring himself to believe it, so he had to see for himself.

Most of Mac's neighbors were at work and her apartment was not taped off as an official crime scene, so he decided to use his spare key to take a look around. When he opened the door, he took a deep breath. Sarah. Reminders of her were everywhere and her scent filled the room. The kitchen was neat, as was the dining room. He walked over to the couch and sat down. Sure enough, in front of him was an empty bottle of vodka.

He thought back to the time when she had been stalked. Coster had poured vodka down her throat and she was a mess when he found her. He propped his elbows on his knees and closed his eyes. How many times in his life he had been there to protect her. Now, she was missing and he had no idea where she could be. He reached forward to spin the empty bottle around on the table.

His bitterness turned to concern once again despite his every effort to fight it. "Mac." He whispered aloud, as if saying her name would make sense of the situation, of their lives. Why did everything end up so complicated between the two? It's not as though Harm was always the white knight in the relationship. She had supported him in his search for his father and had his back on many different occasions. She was a rock, a friend, a confidant.

When did it all get so messy? When he left for Paraguay, he didn't go looking for a friend. He went to find the woman that he loved. He shook his head at the memory. There, in the same bed, she had asked him why he came. Instead of giving her an answer, he put it back on her. "Damnit." He muttered aloud.

He stood and took another look around the living room where everything seemed in its place. Walking down the hall, he peered into the bathroom and looked through her make up, still lying on the counter. He picked up a tube of lipstick and held it in his hand. He smiled and remembered the time that they'd been on an investigation to Norfolk. He was driving and she'd been trying to apply her lipstick by using the tiny mirror in the visor.

"Would you slow down, Mario? I'm going to look like Bozo the clown if you keep this up!" She laughed.

"You, Bozo? I don't see it, Mac. Besides, when did you start wearing lipstick?" He had teased. "You got somebody to impress?"

"It takes a lot more than lipstick to impress the people I deal with, believe me." She had countered.

"Oh yeah, like what else, Marine?"

She gave him a stern look. "Like brains, Rabb." She threw a punch at the side of his arm.

"Ouch. And a little muscle, too, I'd say." He smiled.

"Whatever it takes, Sailor. Whatever it takes." She smiled and went back to applying the lipstick in the mirror.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Her words were now haunting. "Whatever it takes, Sailor."

Harm quickly left the bathroom and made his way into her bedroom. Her bed was neatly made and her clothes were all in order. He felt the fabric of her uniforms hanging in her closet. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The fact that her car was still in the parking lot made him wonder if she had gone for a run. He looked down at the floor of the closet and noticed that there were no tennis shoes there. That had to be it. She had surely gone for a run and—he thought he was going to be sick at the places his mind was taking him.

He went to her bed and sat down, rubbing his hands forcefully up and down his thighs. "No." He muttered to himself. After everything that she had endured in Paraguay, in life, for that matter, to be abducted during a run seemed too cruel for explanation.

He glanced at her bedside table. There sat a small wooden picture frame and in it, the picture of the two of them in Afghanistan. It was one of his favorite photos, and it was right beside her bed. She must have looked at it every morning and every night. His emotions were stirred. For weeks he had tried to be angry, to be bitter, to cut her out of his life, but now sitting there, in her room with familiarity filling the air, he was overwhelmed.

He set the picture frame back on the bedside table. After taking a final look around, he decided to leave. He wanted to talk to the Admiral more after he had thought about the situation. He wondered if the police had any leads on missing joggers in the last several days, or weeks.

"Good to see you again, sir." Tiner greeted him cheerfully. It felt strange being back in the office, but not strange enough to change his mind.

"Hello Tiner. I need to see the Admiral."

"Send him in!" The door to the Admiral's office was cracked.

"Admiral, thank you for seeing me. I wanted to share a theory with you about Mac."

"Go on." The Admiral removed his glasses and set them carefully on the desk in front of him.

"Well, sir, the fact that her car was still in the parking lot tells me that she had probably gone for a run. Have the police searched the people trails? I've run with the Colonel on several occasions, Sir. I'm familiar with her route. And what about getting this out to the public, do we have any reason not to? I mean, if someone recognized her face—"

Admiral Chegwidden just watched him. He sounded exactly like he did months earlier when he had begged to go after her in Paraguay. "Have a seat." He motioned to the chair in front of him.

AJ leaned back in his large leather chair and stared at Harm. The rigid exterior had faded and now before him sat a concerned, frightened man.

"I just got off the phone with Deputy Kershaw."

"Kershaw, what does he have to do with Mac?"

"It seems that intelligence has picked up some rumblings from our neighbors in the south."

"What do you mean, rumblings. About what?"

"About Sadik. It seems that he may have fled the country."

Harm's eyes grew as big as saucers. "S--so you mean to tell me that they think that bastard came after Mac?"

"It's a theory."

Harm was immediately out of his chair. "Why the hell wasn't I informed about this? What the hell good am I working for the agency when they don't bring me in on something that I might be able to help with!"

"Like I said, it's just a theory, but they're looking into it."

"Yeah, I bet they are. Like they looked into it last time when they let Webb drag her down there and almost get killed?!" He was shouting now.

AJ remained calm. "Rabb, have a seat."

"I can't."

"Harm, sit down." It was an order, even though he was no longer his CO.

Harm reluctantly went back to the chair. "What do we do now? She's out there, somewhere, with that _freak_." He rubbed his hands together nervously.

"Nothing is conclusive at this point."

"So what, what now? Just sit and wait? Why don't we get her picture out there? This isn't a ransom situation. We're wasting time, here! I can't—I can't do this again, Admiral. I can't."

Harm had to catch his breath. It was difficult to maintain his composure under the circumstance. He'd always envied the Admiral's ability to keep his emotions in check while on the job.

"Kershaw is going to be in touch. The local police are still working their angle, whatever the hell that may be, and you're right, it might be a good idea to go public with this, but I'm not in charge."

Harm shook his head. "They'll never do it." He said with disgust. "If the agency thinks that Sadik is involved, they'll try to play this out quietly, their own way. I don't like it, Admiral. I don't like this at all."

"Harm, I don't either. But we have to keep the faith. If there's one thing we know, it's that Mac will not give up without a fight."

Ed's Tire Barn, Manassas, Virginia--same time.

"Sarah, it would serve you well if you would eat." Sadik waved the sandwich in front of her face. When he got closer to her, she spat on it. He laughed.

"Ever the defiant woman, Sarah. Have you not learned?"

Mac turned her back to him and clung to the chain-linked fence that had become her cage.

"Have you thought any more about our little deal?"

Still no response.

"I see that perhaps you need more time to consider my offer, but don't take long. I'm growing impatient, and you know what that could mean." Mac stood quiet, with her back to her captor.

"I see. Twelve hours, Sarah. Twelve hours and this will all be over, one way or another."

Sadik locked the door to the make-shift room that he had set up, and left her alone to think. When she no longer heard his footsteps, she turned to look at the door. A single tear slid down her now swollen cheek.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for the great reviews! I think I'm spelling Sadik's name wrong. Sorry. Any typos are due to my incessant need to keep going. There's nothing worse than getting into a story and then seeing it disappear for months! I post often, so mistakes may happen. More to follow soon! 


	5. Let's Go

Harm felt like the car was driving itself. With no desire to go home, he continued down the interstate with the streetlights coming on one by one. He pulled into her parking lot and turned the ignition off, looking up at her living room window. He imagined Sadik coming into her home. He imagined her being drugged or worse. He tried to imagine where he had taken her, if indeed Sadik was behind Mac's disappearance. The questions were pulsating in Harm's brain to the point of pain. Was she in the city? Had he tried to sneak them out of the country? Surely Sadik wouldn't have been so stupid.

And the agency-- why hadn't they kept him apprised of the situation? It was Admiral Chegwidden that made him aware of Mac's disappearance, not Webb, not Catherine and not Kershaw. He yanked his keys from the ignition and made his way to her door.

He'd never been more thankful to have a spare key. She would probably kick his six if she knew he was using it right now, but he didn't care. He had to be close to her and this was the only way that he knew how. Locking the door behind him, he threw his keys on to the coffee table as if he were home. Strange, he thought, how her home felt as comfortable as his own, even after all this time.

He rubbed his eyes and flipped on the light in the kitchen. He remembered all of their working dinners, when she would try to cook pasta or bread or even throw together a salad for him, always admitting, however, that he was the better cook. He opened the refrigerator door and found a container of yogurt, a block of cheese and a bottle of ketchup. Mac never did take care of her body the way that he wished she would, but one could never tell by looking at her.

He closed the refrigerator door and walked back into the living room. He sat on her couch and smoothed the fabric with his hands on either side. Had she been sitting here when he came into her apartment? Had he knocked, like a civilized human being before forcing his way in and taking her away?

Harm leaned his head back and pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew that sleep would not find him tonight, but at least he felt close to her. He thought back to the time when he was lost in the Atlantic. Mac had been able to find him. He wished that now he could return the favor.

He picked up the remote control and turned on the TV. He wondered what she had last been watching. What time was it when she last watched? Was it a movie? Was she happy? The minute details of Mac's life were overpowering. Perhaps it was a mistake to be in her apartment, but in the moment, he knew of nowhere else to go.

Harm turned the TV off and made his way into her bedroom once more. Leaving the lights off, he kicked off his shoes and lay down on her bed, pulling a pillow underneath him. He would not sleep; he knew that, until Mac was found. But rest, he thought, would do his body good.

When his cell phone rang three hours later, he realized that exhaustion had taken over. He flipped open his phone and sat up in bed. "Rabb." He said. After a few moments of silence, he replied, "I'll be right there."

He guided his car quickly and carefully through the other vehicles on the interstate. His tires squealed as he pulled into the parking lot, slowing only to show his badge to the guard at the gate. When he was allowed entrance, he sped into the next lot and parked his car haphazardly out front. He pressed his finger to the pad and waited for the doors to open. When they did, he ran up the stairs and down the hall.

"Catherine." He said, trying to catch his breath. "What is it, you said you had something about Mac."

"Harm, listen. We have to make this fast. Kershaw is on his way down and if he sees you here, he'll kill me."

"Okay, what, what is it?"

"See for yourself." Catherine opened the door behind her. "Quick, Rabb. I mean it."

She held the door open for him and when he went inside, he couldn't believe his eyes. "Mac—" he was in shock. She was sitting on a table as a man in a white coat was looking into her pupils. Her shirt was covered in blood and her face was red and marked.

"Mac, thank God you're alright." He leaned forward to hug her when the doctor waved him off.

"That's not a good idea right now. She's in shock."

Harm looked confused. "What? What happened to her? Where is Sadik?" At the mention of his name, Mac's face went white. Her response was not lost on the doctor.

"I'm going to have to ask that you leave."

Catherine opened the door at the same time. "Harm, it's time. You've got to go."

"No, I'm not leaving her like this. Mac, listen, it's going to be okay. You're alright. I'm here—" He reached for her hands. They lay cold and limp in his own.

"Harm, _now_." Catherine was looking down the hall as she spoke. "If you leave now, I can give you a briefing. If Kershaw finds out that I've done this, we'll both be out of jobs."

He looked at Catherine and he looked at Mac, who was staring straight ahead. "Mac, listen to me. I'll be back. I'm not leaving."

Mac stared straight ahead as the doctor continued to shine his light in her eyes.

"Now, damnit!" Catherine yelled.

When Harm left the room, Catherine ushered him quickly down the hall and into an empty office.

"You have got to lay low." She spoke just above a whisper.

"Catherine, tell me everything. Where was Mac? How did you find her? Where is Sadik?"

"He had her in a warehouse in Manassas. A driver called 911 saying that he saw a woman walking down the road with blood on her shirt. The local authorities picked her up. That's when we were notified and we brought her straight here."

"What about Sadik? Where is he? How did she get away?"

"We have reason to believe that he's dead."

"Well that's not good enough, Catherine. I want to see his body for myself."

"Harm, listen to me. I have to get back, but I thought you should know."

"Know what? There's more?"

Catherine looked directly at him. "Shortly after Mac was found, there was an explosion. We think—by all indications, it looks as though Mac had some sort of struggle with Sadik, probably killed him, and then set the warehouse on fire."

Harm was stunned. "I hope she did! The bastard deserved to die."

"He was a wanted terrorist, Harm."

Now he was incredulous. "Are you telling me that she screwed up by killing him?"

Catherine looked away. "What I'm saying, is that there's a lot we still don't know. That's why…that's why Sarah will be going away for awhile. We need to find out as much information as possible."

"Like hell you are!" He yelled. "You're not taking her anywhere! Did you see her? She's in no condition to be jerked away again like some spook so that you can interrogate for God knows how long. No. I won't let you."

"Quiet!" Catherine was quickly losing control of the situation. "You don't have a choice! Harm, do you realize that I didn't have to let you in on this? I could have let you keep wondering and waiting and worrying, but I didn't. I did you a favor, Harm. And now you need to go."

Harm walked in a circle, trying to make sense of the sudden turn of events. "Where." He said. "Where are you taking her." It was more of a statement than a question.

Catherine shook her head. "You know I can't tell you that, Harm. It's classified."

"I work here, damnit! You spooks and all of your classifications are driving me insane! Tell me, Catherine. _Where_ are you taking her…"

Catherine stood quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry. I can't."

"Then I'm sorry too." He said, grabbing her by the arm and shoving her into the supply closet that he'd been eyeing.

"Harm! Don't do this! You can't do this!" She was yelling from inside. He pulled the heavy desk over and placed it in front of the door. It wouldn't hold her for long, so he had to move fast.

Closing the door to the office, he could still hear her yelling. He looked to his left and to his right. He hoped that Kershaw hadn't arrived yet. Running back to the room where Mac was being held, he looked into the window and saw that he doctor was still examining her.

He opened the door and said, "Sir, Catherine needs to speak with you. It's an emergency."

The doctor, an older man, nodded and left the room. "She's upstairs, in her office." Harm tried to fake a smile, but he was in too much of a hurry.

"Mac, baby. I need you to listen to me. They want to take you away but I'm not going to let them." She sat motionless, and he began to worry.

"Sarah, do you trust me?"

For the first time since he had seen her, she nodded her head ever so slightly, staring at the wall in front of her.

"That's my girl." He smiled, stroking her hair and looking at the door. "We don't have much time, so we need to go. Right now, can you do that? Can you follow me?"

Again she gave a barely there nod.

"Good. You're going to be okay. It's going to be okay." He took her hand gently in his and led her off of the table and to the door. Opening it slowly, he again looked to his left and to his right.

"Let's go."


	6. Safe

Harm took the bags of groceries and placed them in the back of the rental car's trunk. "Thanks Admiral. For everything." He closed the trunk and shook hands with AJ.

"I'm glad that I can help. These should hold you for a little while. The agency won't be looking for a rental car. Besides, it was leased in a buddy's name. They'll never put it together."

"Well I don't intend to hide forever. Besides, they can't really do anything to us. If there's one thing I've learned about the agency, it's that they don't like to deal with things out in the open. They'll sweep this under the rug eventually, and move on to something else. Of course, there's something about shoving a superior into a supply closet that doesn't scream 'promotion', but I'll live with that."

"You did the right thing, Harm."

"You should have seen her, AJ." Harm shook his head at the memory. "There was no way I would let them take her away in that condition."

Both men peered through the back window and into the front seat where Mac was sitting. Harm smirked, "Although I guess I'm doing the same thing…"

"She's safe with you, unthreatened. There's a difference. Whatever happened in that warehouse shook her to the bone. That's not like Mac and we both know it. We may never know what Sadik was capable of."

Harm shook his head. "I know. I just—what if she needs treatment? Then what will I do?"

"You said that she's responsive to you at times?"

"Barely."

"It doesn't matter. That tells us that she hears you and understands you. You'll do what needs to be done. Hell, you always do." The Admiral placed his hand firmly on Harm's shoulder. It was a moment that the two had never shared before. If they were women, they probably would have been hugging. Instead, Harm simply smiled and said, "Thank you, Sir. I couldn't have done any of this without you."

AJ nodded and moved toward his own car. "I'm going to do some research and speak to an old friend of mine about Mac. She'll know what to do and how to move forward. The number at the house will be the one you should use. I don't know about calling me on my cell, though. They haven't said a word to me yet, but they might get nosy at some point. Oh, and Harm?"

Harm looked at him.

"Stop calling me 'Sir.'"

"Understood. And AJ, thanks. Again." Harm smiled and got into the car where Mac had been waiting. He turned to look at her, still staring straight ahead.

"Mac, are you doing okay?" There was no response. "Listen, everything is set. The Admiral has arranged a place for us to stay for awhile." Still nothing. "If at any point you don't feel comfortable, I want you to tell me, can you do that? Sarah, would you tell me if this weren't a good idea?" He waited and watched for any movement. Finally after what felt like an hour, she gave him a nod, but never made eye contact.

"Good. We're in this together now, okay? You and me, Butch and Sundance, Batman and Robin, remember?" He tried to smile as he reached across and grabbed her clammy hand.

When she still didn't respond, he simply put the keys in the ignition and began to drive. There was a cottage two hours away that was going to be home indefinitely.

Later that evening

"There you go. Can I get you anything else?" Harm placed the blanket delicately over her shoulders as she sat curled up in the large brown chair. It was a chair-and-a-half that could have easily sat two, but Mac was curled up so tight that she barely took up any of the space that it had to offer.

He ran his hand over her head. So far she hadn't been resistant to touch, even though he kept it to a minimum. She had agreed to shower, and seemed to have done fine on her own. AJ had managed to get some of her belongings without being noticed, so she was able to wear her own clothes, clean ones, for the first time in days.

From what Harm could tell, Mac was still in a state of shock, at least partially. He was no shrink, but AJ was right; the fact that Mac heard him and understood him gave him some level of hope. The night would prove challenging. He wondered how long it had been since she'd slept. The terror of it all may come creeping into her mind if she closed her eyes. He tried to prepare himself for the potentially long night ahead.

The kitchen was open, looking out into the small living area where Mac sat in the large chair. He cleaned up the dishes from supper and kept glancing her way. She never moved. Her eyes would barely even blink. He hated seeing her like this. He knew that AJ was right; whatever happened in that warehouse had caused her to go to a place he'd never seen before. She didn't eat and hadn't had anything to drink.

But she was alive. She had managed to escape death once again and he thanked God for that every five minutes. It seemed unreal that the two of them could endure so many hardships, so many situations filled with danger and still manage to end up with each other. Their friendship had been pushed to the brink of destruction more times in the last year than in the nine that he had known her and yet, there she sat, in his care. After all that had happened, they were together. He understood now what it meant to love someone, to really give your heart to someone. She didn't know it, of course, and this was no time for romantic declarations, but he had learned some valuable lessons in the past year. Trying to deny his feelings for her only brought him misery.

He loved this woman, and he finally, finally realized that when you're in love, there's really no choice in the matter. Fighting his feelings only confirmed they were real. He felt the need to be near her again. He hadn't hugged her since any of this happened. Not even in Paraguay, when he thought about it. He wanted to touch her, needed to be near her. He moved carefully over to the chair where she sat.

"Mac, do you mind—can I sit down by you?" She said nothing. "Okay, Marine, let's make a deal. If you don't respond, then I'm going to assume that you're okay with whatever it is that I've said. Will that work?" She sat quietly.

"Deal." He maneuvered his large frame into the space beside her and she didn't openly object. He stretched out his legs in front of him and lifted his arm to place around her. She still showed no sign of objection, so he pulled her close. He closed his eyes and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. He was surprised that she had been receptive to his touch and at times worried that she was so out of it that maybe none of it registered with her.

With his left hand, he reached across for her hands resting comfortably on her stomach under the blanket. He gave them a small squeeze. "You know, Mac, you don't have to talk to me about what happened. I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and I'm not going anywhere. We can stay here for as long as it takes."

She sat quietly but he did notice her chest rise and fall, as if she'd just taken a deep breath. "You know, I have a feeling that I'm going to be out of a job once again." He smiled. "Hard to believe, isn't it?" He kept talking as if she were part of the conversation. He had to, or the silence would drive him crazy. "Yeah, I know. Well, when Catherine told me that they were going to take you away, I sort of put her in the supply closet." Mac said nothing. "Not a smart thing to do, I know, but I couldn't let them take you, Mac. I couldn't. Not again."

Now it felt as though he were talking to himself. "I'm sorry, Mac, for everything that you went through. I'm sorry that you had to—" he felt her body tense up under his arm.  
He planted another small kiss on the top of her head. "It's okay. No more talk about that. We'll just sit here, just you and me. When you're ready to talk, you'll talk. I know it."

Her shoulders seemed to relax again. He pulled her even closer and pulled part of the blanket over his arms. There was no telling what harm had come to her, and it pained him to think of what must be haunting her, but she was safe in his arms, and to him, in that moment, that was all that mattered.


	7. Opening Up

Harm awakened to a stiff neck and Mac still beside him, wide awake. The moonlight was streaming through the wooden blinds, so he knew that it was late. He changed his position slightly and sat up straight in the chair.

"Hey." He said. "I must have dozed off. You okay?"

He was surprised to hear a sniffle. "Mac, hey, are you okay?" Her shoulders began shaking ever so slightly as if she were trying to hide the emotion. Harm scooted in front of her so that he could face her. "Mac, what is it? I'm here."

For the first time in almost two days, she looked directly at him. Tears were streaming down her face. There was a look of fear mixed with pain in her eyes and he couldn't bear the sight of it. "Sarah—it's okay. I'm here." He pulled her into his arms where she completely broke down.

She wrapped her arms around him and clung to him for dear life. Tears turned into sobbing and she remained that way for several minutes. He continued to hold her close, stroking her hair. "It's okay, Sarah. Let it out. Let it all out."

Once the tears finally subsided and her breathing leveled off, he cupped her face in his hands. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shrugged her shoulders and then shook her head no—and then yes. She opened her mouth once and was unable to find the words.

"Mac, listen to me. I think it might help if you gave it a voice. You know you can trust me, right?"

She nodded her head in agreement but was obviously filled with fear.

"There's nothing you can say to me that is going to scare me away, do you understand that? _Nothing_. I want to help you, Mac, and I think if you try to talk about it, even a little, it might help."

She nodded her head again and wiped a tear with the back of her hand. She opened her mouth to speak once more. He took her hands in his. "It's okay. Go on."

Her face contorted again as if she was ready to cry, but no tears came out. She took a deep breath and looked at Harm, who was patiently waiting.

"I—" It felt strange to hear her own voice after so long. She hadn't spoken since she'd been in the warehouse. "I killed him."

"I know you did, baby, and I'm so thankful. You did the right thing."

She stopped for a moment and looked at him, her head tilted slightly to the side. There was a trace of confusion on her face.

"What—" Harm tried to think of anything that he had said or done to cause her uncertainty. He thought back to his last statement.

"Oh." He looked down, embarrassed. "I called you—I didn't mean—if I…I'm sorry, Mac, I don't know why that came out."

She squeezed her hands that were still being cradled in his, a non-verbal way of telling him that it was okay. She cleared her throat, summoning the courage to continue.

"I…I'm not sure if I can tell you everything." Her voice was just above a whisper.

"You don't have to."

"He…Sadik…" She swallowed hard after saying his name. It felt like a giant step to take, as if saying his name might bring him back to life. "It was like dealing with the devil." Her voice was barely audible.

"What do you mean, dealing…"

"He tested me. He got in my head."

"Mac, he was a sick son of a bitch. Nothing that he said could have had any truth to it whatsoever."

She shook her head, as if in doubt. "He knew a lot."

"Mac, he didn't know the real you. He was intimidated by you and intrigued by you at the same time. But that's all. He didn't know your heart."

"He knew…"

"What, Mac? What did he know?"

"Nothing. I can't…I can't go there. Not yet."

"It's okay, Sarah. You're doing fine. I'm so proud of you."

His statement triggered an outpouring of tears. She wiped them away as fast as she could, but to no avail. He began to pull her close, but she held him at bay.

"No," she choked. "I need… to do this." She continued crying for several more minutes, shaking her head as if impatient with her own emotions. When the tears finally subsided again, she continued, this time with more composure, more resolve in her voice.

"He didn't think I would do it, Harm. He thought I was too weak."

Harm didn't know exactly what she was referring to, but decided to play along. She didn't seem ready for questions, so he continued to offer encouragement.

"You, Sarah Mackenzie, are anything but weak. Whatever he said to you was a lie. Whatever position he put you in, was wrong. Do you understand that? Can you see that? He was a terrorist, Mac. He had his own sense of justice and his logic was so warped that no one could have made sense of the man. No one."

"He wanted me to think that we were the same."

"You're not."

"But I killed, too…"

"Mac, listen to me, you are not a terrorist. You are a strong, confident, intelligent woman. You did what you should have done in that situation."

"You don't know that."

"I know _you_, Sarah. I know that whatever happened in that warehouse was hell all over again and I'm sorry that he took you to that dark place. But he's gone, now. You did yourself a favor." He paused and reached up to cup her face in his hand. "You did _me_ a favor."

For the first time in days, Mac was close to smiling. She leaned into Harm's hand and reached up to cover his wrist with her own. "Thank you." She whispered.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for the kind reviews! More to follow soon. 


	8. Honesty

Three days later

Harm paced back and forth in the kitchen with the phone placed securely to his ear while Mac watched and listened from the chair.

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm." He glanced at Mac and then turned his back. "You've got to be kidding me." He tried to be quiet but she heard every word. He let out a long sigh. "Well, yeah, but I don't know if she's _that _much better." He paused again, listening intently to the voice on the other end. "I know. I know. I do see your point, but I don't like this." Silence again. "Okay, we'll talk about it. Yeah, I know where to reach you." He nodded his head and then said, "Goodbye."

He didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to face her or to have this conversation with her, but he knew that he had to. He drug his hand down over his face before walking slowly over to where she sat.

She was cradled in the large chair again, with a cup of hot tea held firmly in her hands. She looked a little better each day, but her face was still etched with exhaustion. He sat down on the end of the large chaise that had cradled them both for the last few days.

He didn't know where to begin. Thankfully, she started the conversation for him. "I'm in trouble." She looked into her cup of tea.

He let out a long breath. "Not so much you, as we. And I wouldn't call it trouble, but there are some things that we need to face."

"Tell me."

"The Admiral said that Kershaw has been breathing down his neck. He's tried to play dumb, but it's not going to last much longer. Kershaw knows he's hiding something and he's not going to play nice for much longer. "

"What do they want?"

"Well, besides handing me a pink slip, they want to talk to you. They insist that they need a briefing of the whole…everything."

She lifted the corner of her mouth and shook her head. "They want me to pay for my mistake."

"Mac, don't say that. It wasn't a mistake. You're not in trouble. They just need to know what he said and what his motive was, you know, so that can try not to look bad for letting him sneak in under their noses."

She sat quietly for several more minutes, tracing the rim of the cup with her finger. "What about you? Are you sure that you're not in any hot water?"

"Well, they're not happy with me, but it'll be okay."

"They're not going to come after you for obstruction of justice or kidnapping?"

He didn't want to lie. AJ inferred that Kershaw did not take kindly to looking foolish. They were threatening an internal investigation with charges being brought against him.

"Mac, it doesn't matter what they do to me. I'm not worried about that."

"Well I am." It was the most emotion that she had carried in her voice since their time together. She set the cup of tea on the side table. "Listen, I think we need to—I think it's time for a talk."

"Okay, about what?"

"About everything."

In the past he would have avoided the topic of 'everything', for fear that it might be about their relationship, but not now. "I think you're probably right." He reached across and took her hands in his. "Where do we begin?"

"We begin with honesty, Harm." She looked at him directly in the eyes. "Do you think you can do that?"

"Yeah, I think I can, Mac, but what about you? I mean, this may not be easy. Are you sure that this is the time—"

"I'm getting better, I think. Every day I process it all a little bit more in my mind and, it may sound sick, but seeing him die—at least I know he can't hurt us anymore."

Harm was curious about her choice of words. "Us?"

She hesitated, realizing what she had just said.

"Mac, you said honesty."

"I know."

"So…"

"So maybe we should re-think this whole honest conversation idea." She pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers.

"Or maybe we just start with another topic." He smiled. "Like you and me."

She returned his smile. Never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined him to be so compassionate, so nurturing. After seeing him in the hospital, she felt sure that their friendship was over. She had hurt him in Paraguay and he was bitter, rightly so. There was a lot of air to clear, but the opportunity seemed to be presenting itself.

She took a deep, cleansing breath. "Alright." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "I need to begin by apologizing to you. For Paraguay."

"Mac—"

She held up a hand to silence him. "Harm, we have to do this. If we're going to be honest, then I need to say this."

He nodded his head for her to continue.

"I should have listened to you. You warned me not to go, but I…I wanted an adventure. It felt good to be needed outside of the courtroom." She smirked. "I can't believe I'm admitting that to you." She played with the fray of the blanket on the chair as she continued. "Going there was the beginning of a colossal mistake that affected you _and_ me. You gave up your career to find me and I was—I wasn't ready to accept the fact that I needed to be saved."

"Mac, first of all, I wasn't thinking about being a hero when I went down there. I knew you were in trouble and instinct kicked in, that's all. You would have done the same for me. Secondly, I didn't warn you not to go. I asked you. There's a difference."

"Well, regardless of your reasoning, I owe my life to you. Twice, now it would seem."

"No way. We're not keeping score. You've had my back more times than I can count. And this thing with Sadik? You handled that all on your own."

"But it got too big. I—I can't believe I let him get in my head, Harm. The CIA lost out because of it. I was reckless."

"You were doing what you had to do to protect yourself. It's what you're trained to do, Mac. And as for the Agency? Screw them. After working there, I can tell you that the word 'Intelligence' is incredibly misleading."

"You're just trying to make me feel better, but thank you." She took his hand in her own. "Thank you for what you did in Paraguay and thank you for helping me out again these past few days. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up when you did. I was—my mind was in a bad place."

He wished that the words weren't necessary, but hearing her say them, brought a sense of closure. It was true, he didn't try to be a hero, but the way that it had ended was hurtful. Hearing her say 'thank you' was like a wound being bandaged.

"Mac, when Catherine showed me where you were, did you…did you know it was me? I mean, I've never seen you like that before."

"I know. I've never felt that way before. I could hear you, but I was frozen, almost unable to move. It all kept playing back over and over in my head. I didn't even really know where I was. It felt like I was stuck in a bad dream."

"Well, I am thankful to Catherine for taking me to you."

Mac released his hand at the mention of her name. "I'm sure she's helped you a lot."

Harm could sense the sudden shift in momentum. Being honest wasn't difficult; it was the fact that there were so many misconceptions between them to clear up. Catherine being one of them.

"Mac, when you found me in the hospital, it wasn't at all what it looked like."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Harm."

"Yes I do. Catherine and me, we're not a couple. We never were. We were coming back from a meeting when the accident happened. I still don't understand why the hospital thought it was bad enough to call you, but I was glad that you came. I know I didn't show it, but I was…happy to see you."

"But I left messages on your machine."

"I know." He looked down. "I'm not proud of the way that I acted. I was just trying to move on. I didn't see how we could be friends after what happened."

"I understand. I'm sorry."

"Besides, I thought you…I thought you were with Webb."

Mac almost laughed out loud. "Wha—wait a minute, Webb? You thought that I was seeing Webb, after everything that happened? Where on earth would you get such an idea?"

"Mac, you did kiss the guy right in front of me. And you did blow me off at the hotel and then when we were leaving, you said we'd never work. I bumped into him a couple of times and he made it clear that I was no longer a factor."

"Are you telling me that he told you we were dating?"

"Not in so many words, but he certainly led me to believe that he was interested. I guess I just assumed that you were too."

"Well you were wrong."

"I know. The Admiral told me."

"The Admiral, when?"

"When he found out that you had disappeared. He came to me and asked if I knew anything."

Mac thought back to the day in her apartment when Sadik arrived. The vodka bottle. She had forgotten all about it.

"He thought that I'd been drinking." It all made perfect sense.

"Mac, it wasn't like that. I mean, the police adopted that theory, but they don't know you. The Admiral just wanted to know if I had spoken to you."

"And what about you, Harm? Did you think that I started drinking again?"

Now the conversation was getting uncomfortable. He didn't know what to say.

"In my heart, no, I didn't think so. But I'd be lying if I said that it didn't cross my mind, but only because of everything you'd just been through, and the way that I blew you off at the hospital." He was apologetic.

"I see." She was hurt, but knew that what he was saying made sense.

"Mac, I never lost faith in you."

"That's not true, Harm."

She was right. He had lost faith in her, in their friendship, in everything that he had ever known. "Okay, maybe you were off my radar temporarily."

"It's okay. You're just being honest."

"This isn't as easy as I was hoping."

"When have we ever done anything the easy way, Rabb?"

It was good to see her smile. She had a way of putting him at ease, even when she still had an enormous emotional burden to bear.

"This is good. Being here with you, Mac, talking about all of this. I like it."

"Well you're dong a good job. See? Conversations with me don't always have to feel like a trip to the dentist." She tried to deflect the seriousness of the moment, although she wasn't sure why.

"Is that what you think, that I don't like to be around you?"

"I never said that, it's just, I don't know. I've tried to open up before, in the past, and…well you never exactly welcomed the opportunity."

"I was immature in Sydney, Mac. And besides, when I said 'not yet', it's not what I meant. I mean, I meant it, but you took it to mean 'no way', and that just wasn't true."

Mac shook her head at the memory of Mic and their faltered engagement. "I like to think that I've grown up since then."

"You have. We both have."

"It took us long enough." She smiled.

Harm returned the smile, and then grew serious once more. "Mac, since we're being honest, I need to say something to you."

"Okay."

"When we were in Paraguay, in the hotel room, you asked me why I did it."

"Yes..."

"And I wasn't honest with you. Once again, instead of saying what I felt, I said nothing. I wanted my actions to speak for themselves. I was a coward."

"It's okay. I understand. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"No, Mac, it's not okay. It's cost us…" Now the momentum was definitely changing. The air became thick and both of them felt butterflies in the pit of their stomachs. "It cost us a lot of time."

"Time isn't always on our side, is it?" She tried to put him at ease.

"No, it's not, and I hate it that we've wasted so much of it." He was feeling brave, so instead of just holding her hand, he lifted it up so that it was flush with his. He stared at her fingers placed flat against his own, and then laced them together, giving her a squeeze. She squeezed back in affirmation, and he lifted their hand to his mouth where he began gently placing a kiss on each of her knuckles.

Mac swallowed hard. The sensation that flooded her body was unlike any she'd ever felt. She too was feeling brave.

"Harm," she whispered as he continued to plant tiny kisses on her knuckles. He took her breath away when he opened her palm and placed long, deliberate kisses on the inside of her palm and wrist.

"Mmm?" His voice was low.

"What were you going to tell me?" She was whispering, too. She had just told him that she understood, that she shouldn't have pushed him, but the woman in her wanted to hear it, needed him to take that step. "In the hotel room, what didn't you—" his kisses had now moved from her fingers to her forearm, and she was finding it difficult to breathe. "what did you want to say to me?" He stopped what he was doing, but didn't look up. She inwardly cursed herself for ruining the moment. Just when he had opened up, when they had put it all on the table, she had to ask for more. When would she ever learn?

"I'm sor—" She began to apologize, when he looked up at her and placed his finger on her lips.

His eyes were cloudy with emotion and he stared at her for what felt like an eternity, looking into her soul.

"I wanted to tell you," his finger left her mouth and slowly began tracing the contour of her face and jaw. His touch was igniting all of her nerves. Her eyes wanted to fall closed, but she willed them open, to see him and to absorb every aspect of the moment. He moved his fingers up to her ear and gently pushed her hair behind, never taking his eyes off of hers.

He leaned in ever so slowly, taking his time, cupping the back of her neck now in his hand. He stared at her lips, and then back up at her eyes.

His voice was still a whisper. "I wanted to tell you…" he leaned up to place a tiny kiss on the tip of her nose, and then lowered his mouth once again, whispering breathlessly, "that I love you, Sarah Mackenzie."

Her eyes couldn't remain open any longer. He closed the distance between them and placed a soft, affirming kiss on her lips that she welcomed with full force. She leaned back in the chair and pulled him to her, clinging to him for dear life. It was only seconds before the kiss turned heated, and their breathing became more labored. Their mouths were fused together and their hands joined again tightly.

Her lips began to numb, and his need for air became overwhelming. When they broke apart, both were smiling. He rested his forehead against hers, their noses touching.

"You love me." She whispered.

He nodded his head against hers and smiled before placing another long, searing kiss on her mouth.

"I hope that's okay." Now he was lying on his side, facing her and holding her in his arms.

She traced the outline of his mouth with her finger, smiling like a school girl. "It's more than okay, because I happen to love you too."

She leaned forward to give him another small kiss. He ran his hand down the length of her arm. His face lit up at the sound of the words. "We love each other, and we've never even been on a date." He smiled again. "We'll have to work on that when we get back."

"I'd like that very much."

His face grew serious. "I'm not going to crowd you, Mac. I want you to know that I love you and that I'm going to be by your side. But I think you should consider talking to a professional. Starting a relationship with me in the middle of all this may not be what is best for you." He almost winced at the statement, afraid that he had over-stepped the boundaries and would cause her to be defensive. "You're not mad that I said that, are you?"

"No, Harm. I'm not mad. You're always looking out for me, and I appreciate that very much. It won't be easy to take things slow, but I think you're right. I think that I need to make an appointment with a therapist. I don't want any extra baggage in our way." She paused for a moment. "Although, you know that talking to you has helped me more than any therapist ever could. Thank you."

"For what, for talking to you when you probably wished that I'd shut up?"

"No, for knowing just what I needed and when I needed it. For being patient with me. You're probably the only person left in this world that I trust."

"I don't ever want to break that trust, Mac. I know that there's probably more that you haven't told me."

She gave no response.

"I just want you to know that when you ever—if you ever decide that you want to talk about it, I'm here for you."

"Thank you." She whispered, and leaned in for another lengthy kiss.

When the kiss was broken, he let out a long sigh. "I guess we need to decide where to go from here. The Admiral thinks we need to face this sooner rather than later, if you're up to it, that is."

"I agree. And I am. In fact, where's the phone?" She sat up and removed herself from his embrace, walking into the kitchen to pick up the phone.

Harm was confused. "I don't understand, what are you doing?"

She dialed a number and motioned for Harm to be quiet. "Yes, this is Colonel Sarah Mackenzie. I need to speak with Deputy Kershaw right away please."

Harm's eyes grew wide and he sat up straight in the chair. There was very brief moment of silence before she began speaking again.

"This is Colonel Mackenzie. I understand that you would like to speak with me." She paused for a moment, and then clearly interrupted the man on the other end. "No, no, no. I don't think that you understand. There are a few things that _I_ need from _you _first. If I'm satisfied with your level of cooperation, then I'll be happy to talk." She winked at Harm, who was trying not to let his mouth hang open too far.

"I don't think so." She replied, as if she were setting up a play date. "I'm currently out of town and won't be back until the day after tomorrow. We'll talk when I get back and proceed from there. Thank you, Mr. Kershaw, goodbye." She pushed the button on the phone to hang up and looked over at Harm, who was speechless.

"Earth to Harm, are you okay?"

He was stunned. "Mac—"

"Yes?"

"Did you just tell the Deputy Director at the CIA that you would talk to him when you're ready, and if _he_ was willing to cooperate?"

"Why yes, I believe that I did." There was a half-smile now on her face.

Harm stood up and walked slowly over to where she stood. For a moment, she began to worry that he was upset by her actions.

"What?" She looked at him cautiously.

In one swift motion, he pulled her into his arms and turned her back against the counter, taking her mouth fully in his own. He pulled her body flush against his and allowed his hands to explore the length of her back. He took his time with the kiss, but let her know that it was delivered with passion. When he finally pulled himself away, she looked at him, slightly confused. "What…what was that for?"

"That was to remind you that I love you." He looked down at her and cupped her face firmly in both hands. "And because my Marine is _back_."

* * *

A/N: Whew! This one took all day. Again, sorry for the mistakes and thank you for all of the great reviews! 


	9. For the Record

A/N: I've been avoiding this chapter! I wanted to leave the interaction between Sadik and Mac to our imaginations but realized that it may have left a big void. So, this is my feeble attempt at filling in some of the blanks. Thanks for the support of this story!

* * *

Three days later

"Hey." She smiled, leaning up to give Harm a quick kiss. "What are you doing here?" She pulled him into her apartment.

"Feels like I haven't seen you since we've been back. I don't like it." He took her in his arms for a hug. "Besides, I wanted to wish you good luck and to try to change your mind about me not going."

She leaned back from his embrace and looked up at him. "That's very sweet of you, but no, you're not going. I'm going to be fine, I promise. I just want to get this over with." She smiled and straightened the cuff on her uniform.

"Mac, you know it could get ugly in there." His tone was serious as he led her to the couch.

She looked at the floor in concentration. "I know."

"Then why won't you let me go with you? I can wait outside, or in the men's room, or—

"Harm, it's not a good idea. You know it and I know it."

He was not satisfied with her answer.

"Look, when Kershaw agreed to let you out of this, it wasn't without a lot of persuasion on my part. He's still angry, Harm, and you showing your face is not a good idea."

"I don't care about Kershaw, Mac. I want to be there for you."

"You have been. And you will be. What I have to say to them…I want to face this and end it."

He still wasn't convinced.

She could tell that he felt helpless. "But when it's over, I know that I'm going to need to lean on you again, if that's okay." He seemed to rise to the challenge when she was in need, and while it was an endearing quality, she knew that this had to be done alone, especially because of Kershaw.

She nudged him in the ribs. "Hey Sailor, I don't want to leave you like this. Tell me you understand?"

He reluctantly nodded his head. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand." He reached across for her hand.

"Thank you." She gave his hand a squeeze. "Now is there anything that I need to know about these agency types?"

"Yeah, they're long-winded. They'll want you to say the same thing over again fifty different times. They're persistent, but don't be intimidated. You call the shots, Mac. If it gets too upsetting or if you're done talking, just leave."

She smiled. "I'll be fine, Harm. I've dealt with long-winded, difficult people in the courtroom for years."

"Yeah, but that was when you were asking the questions. I just—don't let them badger you, okay?"

"Okay." She reached across and squeezed his shoulder. "I'll remember that."

She stood to leave and Harm stood with her, grabbing her by the elbow. "You'll call the second that it's over?"

She nodded her head and smiled.

"Good, because you know I'll be eager to know how it went."

She could see what a struggle it was for him to be excluded. When she reached for her coat, she turned to face him. "Harm? I was wondering, would you mind being here when I get home? I know I'll want to talk to you about this in person and it will save me a car ride over to your place."

Relief washed over his face. "Sure, Mac, of course I can. In fact, I may just wait here if that's alright with you, maybe have some dinner ready when you get home?"

"I'd like that." She leaned up to give him a kiss goodbye. "See you later." She said, and turned to leave.

"Good luck." He replied.

Central Intelligence Agency, 3 hours later

"Colonel Mackenzie, are you telling me that you were challenged by Sadik Fahd to some sort of a pistol duel?" Deputy Kershaw and the other agents were lined before her, sitting behind a large brown table. She felt as though she were a part of a hearing on the Senate floor. Harm was right, the questions had come at her fast and furious, and she had done a lot of repeating herself. She had answered their questions with accuracy and strength, but wasn't sure how much longer she could hold out.

Taking yet another deep breath, Mac leaned forward in her chair. "Yes, Mr. Kershaw. That's exactly what I'm telling you."

"So you mean to tell me that he broke into your apartment, kidnapped you, held you hostage where he then proceeded to threaten you and the life of your loved ones. After this, he sought to make some sort of a deal with you?"

"Loved _one_." Mac thought to herself, wanting to correct him but deciding against it. Kershaw had just summarized the entire ordeal in fifteen seconds. Why she was still there after three hours was baffling, and her patience was wearing thin.

"Mr. Kershaw, that is exactly what I am telling you. If you don't believe me, then please explain to me the version that you would _prefer_ to hear."

The other members looked at one another and then at Deputy Kershaw. A man on the end, an Agent Stanford decided to intervene.

"Colonel Mackenzie, no one doubts the accuracy of your statements here today. We are simply trying to understand why a wanted terrorist would take the risk of coming into this country to settle a score with someone that he barely even knew."

"He thought he knew me very well, actually."

"I'm sorry?" The Agent replied.

"Sadik apparently took an interest in me while I was his prisoner the _first _time, in Paraguay." She shot a glare at Clayton Webb, who was standing off to the side trying to look inconspicuous. "He felt that he could conquer me, that he could convert me to Islam and that I would go away with him and ultimately support his cause. He claimed that there were thoughts in my mind and a dark part of my soul that only he could see, that only he could relate to."

"Well he certainly went to a lot of trouble to find you. You must have made an impression."

There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He proceeded with another question that was hidden in a statement. "Colonel Mackenzie. Explain to us exactly how you killed your captor."

The time had come. She did not want to re-live the situation in the least. In her days with Harm, she had begun to tuck it away in the back of her mind as a bad memory; another mission that proved to be challenging. Now, in front of all of these people, she had to say it, she had to tell them that Sadik Fahd died because he was arrogant.

Mac nodded and clasped her hands together in an effort to remain as poised as possible. And then she began, "After the second day of captivity, Sadik began rambling a lot. I can't say for sure, but it was like he had missed a day of medication, or something. He didn't make sense and his speech was even slurred at one point, although he tried to hide it. He began telling me that I needed to be tamed, that I was a woman who needed direction in life and that it would serve me well to listen to him." She took a breath and then continued. "He was under the impression that the person that came to my rescue in Paraguay was a romantic interest."

"You mean Commander Rabb."

Mac didn't want to utter his name. She wanted to leave him completely out of it so that the Agency wouldn't renew its grudge against Harm or to try to diminish his efforts in any way."

"That's correct." She reluctantly answered. "Sadik, or Mr. Fahd as you like to call him, began to seem restless. I wasn't communicating with him as he would have liked…" She remembered the many times that his hand had crossed her face, the tight grip that he had had not only on her arm, but on her throat on several occasions. "…and he challenged me. He offered me his soul, in essence, for that of—" This was beginning to get difficult. She willed herself not to break down. She would wait until she was home for that, where Harm was waiting and where she felt safe.

"He offered me a gun, like the one that he carried. He told me that I would never experience happiness unless I went away with him. He told me that I was a woman barren because I refused to see the truth. He apparently convinced himself that his logic had sunk in with me, that I would leave with him in exchange for…the safety of…" she swallowed hard, "Commander Rabb."

"Did he make threats against Commander Rabb?"

"Indirectly. He told me that my refusing to be with him could result in misery for those that I loved. He thought that he could scare me with his threats, that I would set the gun down and run into his arms, I suppose."

"So, you're holding the gun in your hand, Sadik is offering to take you away in exchange for the safety of Commander Rabb, and yet he had _given_ you a gun."

Mac knew that the story seemed ridiculous on many levels. "I was dealing with a very sick man, Mr. Kershaw. Let's not for one minute assume that he was a sane person. His interest in me was mainly psychological. He wanted to see if he could get inside of my head, if his techniques had worked. It was as if the satisfaction of my conversion would be more rewarding than my death. He wanted me to put the gun down. I truly believe that he thought that I would."

"Colonel Mackenzie, what happened next?"

"I shot him. I killed Sadik Fahd and I'm glad that I did."


	10. Freedom

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long! I have not forgotten. Real life just has a way of...being there.

* * *

Mac couldn't wait to get home to Harm, to her apartment and to a life without Sadik or the CIA. She phoned the minute that she got into the car. "Hey. I'm on my way." 

"How did it go?" The suspense was killing him.

"As expected. I don't want to talk about it, really. I just want to get home."

"I have dinner whenever you're ready and the fire is on."

"Thanks, Harm. I'll be there soon."

"I'll be here. Bye."

As Mac walked up the stairs to her apartment, the emotion of the day began to take over. The thought of seeing Harm was almost overwhelming. He had symbolized so much to her in the past; friendship, trust and loyalty. Now it was different. She could let her guard down with him in a way that she had never before been able to do. She wanted to collapse in his arms, to cry and to let it all out. He was freedom to her now; freedom to express her true self and freedom to move forward without fear.

She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and when she turned the corner, she saw him in the hallway, walking toward her. She hurried to meet him where he flung his arms open wide. She fell into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I saw you pull up."

The tears were falling freely now. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to be held by this man, her one true love. Finally she had closure. She could feel the stress and the fear and the anxiety leaving her body. He kissed the top of her head and continued to hold her tight, both oblivious to Mrs. Murphy who had walked by with her groceries.

After several minutes, the tears began to slow. She pulled away slightly in order to wipe her eyes. "Thanks. I needed that." She smiled, still wiping her face with the back of her hand.

He gently pulled her by the arm and led her into the apartment. The lights were dim and there were pillows laid out in front of the fire. Without saying anything, she walked into the bedroom to change out of her uniform. When she returned in sweats and a T-shirt, Harm was lying in front of the fire. He patted the floor next to him and she smiled, leaning down to curl into his embrace once more.

He lifted a thin chenille blanket over her and pulled her close, propping his head up with his left hand.

"How did you know exactly what I needed?" She finally spoke.

With his right hand, he gently stroked her arm. "I know what I need, and that's you here with me in front of the fire."

She reached up and squeezed his hand. "I think it's finally over, Harm." There was relief in her voice.

"Do you mean everything?"

"Yeah, I mean everything. I think Kershaw would have liked to go on for another hour, but I sort of shut down on him."

Harm smiled at the thought. "That's my girl."

She smiled too. "You were right about them, Harm. They are very long-winded."

"Do you think you told them everything that they need to know?"

"I told them everything. Whether they believed it or accepted it or not, I don't know, but that's not my problem. I told them what happened. It's over."

There was a comfortable silence between them for the next several minutes. Harm didn't want to ruin the mood, but knew that they could not just leave it like this.

"Mac, I'm proud of you for having the strength to do what you did today, and I'm glad that it's over too. But you know that what you went through could have lingering effects, whether we like it or not."

She turned over to face him, propping her head up on her hand. "What do you mean?"

Harm looked down at the space between them. "I just think, well I hope that you haven't ruled out counseling at some point. Just to be safe, I mean."

A slow smile spread across Mac's face. She lifted his chin so that he had to look at her.

"What?" He couldn't understand why she was smiling.

"I love you, do you know that?" She cupped his cheek in her hand.

He looked confused.

"I love you because you want me to be okay. I love you because you care enough about me to make sure that I get help, and I agree, Harm. I think that counseling is a good idea. In fact, I made an appointment with Dr. McCool yesterday. We're supposed to meet next week."

He smiled in relief. "Really? I mean, you really think it's a good idea, you're not just doing it for my benefit?" He reached up and covered her hand in his own.

"No, Harm. I'm not doing it for your benefit. I'm doing it for _our _benefit. It's like I said, if you and I are going to move forward, then I don't want anything to stand in our way."

He smiled. "I like the sound of that. And for the record, I think we've already dealt with the two biggest things that stood in our way."

"Oh yeah, what?"

"Ourselves." He smiled. "I hate what you've been through, Mac, but when I think about how stubborn I was…I don't know that I would have come to you had this not happened. Sometimes I think it takes something big like this to make us wake up and to reprioritize our lives."

Mac was deep in thought. "I wish that in Paraguay I would have gotten the picture. I still hate it that it turned out with us drifting apart."

Their hands were joined and Harm lifted them to his mouth and planted tiny kisses on her knuckles once again. "We have to let that go, Mac. We have to take this opportunity and move forward."

"You're right." She smiled. "I'm so thankful for you, Harm. I hated not having you in my life. I missed my friend."

"I missed you too, believe me. Every time you left a message, it killed me to hear your voice. But after so many, I don't know, I guess it got easier not to call back."

Mac ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "Well, I for one resolve to never let you go again." She leaned forward slowly. "I love you." She whispered, before planting a long, gentle kiss on his mouth.

Harm ended the kiss prematurely, pulling back to look at her. "Mac, do you know what this means?"

She looked confused. "Nooo…"

"We can begin dating now, I mean, officially. For the first time in nine years, nothing is standing in our way." He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Harm, I'm lying right next to you in your arms. I love you. I think we've sort of passed the first date jitters, don't you?" She smiled. His enthusiasm was endearing.

"I don't want to pass right over dating, Mac. I mean, don't get me wrong, this is—wow—I could get used to this, but I want it to be special. I want to be able to take you to dinner without worrying who might see us. I want to come and pick you up and take you to the movies where I put my arm around you. I want to take you flying—" He paused. "Okay, well, maybe we won't go flying for awhile, but you know what I mean. I want all of the little things because we've missed out on so much."

"I want that too, Harm. It sounds great to me, but don't discount the moments that we've already shared. We've had nine years to get to know one another. I know that you drive a little too fast sometimes, I know what you like to eat, I know that you get grumpy when you've lost a lead on a case and I know that you whistle sometimes when you're walking down the hall. I know that you play the guitar beautifully, that you are loyal to your friends, that you play basketball on Thursday nights and that you don't believe that I could actually have gotten valuable information about land mines from a movie." She began to laugh at the memory of them in the desert.

He smiled too. "Hey, you could have passed it off as special Marine training, I never would have known!"

"I cannot tell a lie…" She smiled.

"I never understood how you could stay so calm in such dangerous situations. I have to admit, Mac, it's one of the things that I loved about you from the beginning."

"From the beginning?" She grew more serious.

"Well, yeah, I mean, these feelings that I have for you aren't exactly new."

"Oh yeah?" She was curious. "How long?"

"What, do you mean how long have I known that I wanted you to be my—" He stopped himself. "I don't know. I guess it's been so long that I can't remember a time when it started."

She loved this man so much. She knew that he was trying not to say anything that would scare her away, but what he didn't understand was that she no longer had to be protected from the truth. She wasn't going to complicate matters of the heart any longer.

"Harm, you know it's okay to say it." She leaned forward to kiss him yet again. "You can't scare me." Her voice was low now and the intensity of the moment was beginning to grow.

He stared at her, looking for affirmation and finding it in her eyes. He swallowed hard and then whispered, "Okay, then. I want it all, Mac. I want you. Forever." His eyes were searching, looking for agreement.

Mac rolled onto her back and pulled him down on top of her. "I'm yours."

Their mouths were fused together once more and their embrace was tight. The freedom to touch and to be close to each other had not lost its value. When they finally broke apart, breathlessly, Harm re-assessed the situation.

"Mac, I think I just asked you to marry me." She thought it was sweet that he wanted to clarify his intent. He too wanted to avoid mixed signals in the future.

Mac smiled, again impressed with this softer, more romantic side to him, but was slightly annoyed that he had broken the kiss.

"Yes, honey, you did." She leaned up to capture his mouth in hers once more, but he pulled away.

"And that's okay with you? I mean, you don't think I'm rushing into this, do you?"

"Harm, it's been _nine years_, okay? I don't think that anyone who knows us would say that we're rushing."

He smiled at the realization. "You're right, Mac. You're absolutely right. I just, I want us to be on the same page. It's really important to me."

She could tell that until he was clear on a mutual intent, he would be distracted. It shouldn't have surprised her that after everything they'd been through, how patient he had been with her, that he would seek some security in their lives. Mac realized as he spoke that he wasn't being coy, he was being a gentleman, and she loved him all the more for it.

"Harm," she pushed him off of her and sat up straight, "I am a woman in love. With you. For the first time in my life, I feel _truly_ happy. I know that I've been cautious in the past and that I have done my fair share of running away. But no more. I've learned just how short life can be and I don't want to spend any more time playing games. The fact that you're here, that you want me in your life, that you want me to be your wife," She gave voice to his desire, to the words that were still afraid to be spoken, "makes me the happiest woman on the planet."

She could see the relief washing over his face. She continued, "So if you want to take me out for pizza, I'd love to go. If you ask me to go to the movies on a weeknight, I'll be there. If you want to take the next step, to make this official, then yes. A thousand times, yes! You don't have to be cautious with me, Harm. I'm ready. And the fact that after nine years we're finally on the same 'page', is cause for celebration."

His famous Flyboy grin was now lighting up the room. For so long he had avoided commitment, allowed the fear of loss to control his every move, but no more. He was in love and she had just agreed to be his wife. Never before had anything felt so right.

"I love you, Sarah." He pulled her closer to him, where their mouths met once again in a kiss that allowed no interruption.


	11. Baby

Mac held the steaming piece of pizza to his mouth. "Here, Sailor. First bite is yours."

Harm smiled and leaned in to take a bite of the cheese covered veggie pizza that she held out for him. He closed his eyes when he tasted it. "Um-mm." He had to chew quickly because it was so hot.

"So, how is it?" Mac smiled.

"Hot. Good, but hot." He took a big drink of water. When he looked back at Mac, she was just smiling at him. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing. Just watching you."

He smiled. "And?"

"And, I think I could get used to this."

"What, eating pizza?"

"Being together and watching you do ordinary, little things like this."

"I think I know what you mean." He set his cup of water down and stared at Mac. "This has been a great first date." He looked as if there were more that he wanted to say.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Nothing, it's just…I've been wondering how long you think you'd like to do—this before we get—" He stopped to clear his throat and took another drink of water.

"Married?" She finished the sentence for him. "Harm, I don't understand why you're so shy about the fact that you want to get married. I want that too, remember? We agreed that we would date first, and we are. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to change my mind about marriage."

"So you wouldn't be upset if I asked how soon we could do it?"

Mac laughed. "Are you always going to be this noble?"

"Only with you." He leaned forward to meet her for a kiss. Their elbows propped on the table, her fingers dragged lazily under his chin.

"I'm definitely getting used to this." She muttered when the kiss was broken.

"Remind me why we waited so long?" He leaned back into his chair.

"Because you were stubborn, remember?" This drew a laugh from them both.

"Ah-ha, so it was my fault entirely now, is that what we're saying?"

Mac finished chewing her pizza. "Harm, from what I understand, marriages thrive when the husband learns to say 'yes dear' and to acknowledge that his wife is right." She smiled again.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh really? From what I have seen, saying 'yes dear' only implies that the husband is gracious enough to let his wife _think_ that she is right, and is therefore, the more thoughtful of the two."

She threw her napkin across the table. "Don't worry. I can't imagine you using the word 'dear' under any circumstances."

"What, you don't peg me as a romantic? I can think of an endearing term or two if it will make you feel better. I mean, what about Ninja-girl? How sweet is that?"

Mac smiled in mock agreement. "You do have me there. Nothing like being called a 'ninja' to create a mood."

"I guess it does lack a certain…quality."

Mac was thinking about being at CIA headquarters after she had killed Sadik. Harm had called her 'baby', and again at the cottage. It was just now registering.

"Mac, what? You look like you're thinking about something."

"I was. It's nothing, really."

"Tell me."

She shrugged her shoulders. "It's silly, really. All this talk about nicknames made me remember…"

"Remember what?" For a moment Harm was worried that it was drudging up bad memories in some way.

"Baby." She said. "You've called me 'baby' twice now."

She was right. It had just slipped out. He remembered the look on her face after he had said it at the cottage and he wondered if it was a problem for her.

"I guess it just came out."

"It's okay. I liked it." She reached her hand across the table to find his. "I guess I just never pegged you as the type to call me that."

"Well to be honest, I've never called anyone that. I mean, I guess in the past when I've heard it, I've associated it with a sort of, I don't know, comfort between two people. Like a couple that has been together for a long time but still has that fire." He paused as she smiled. "That sounded really stupid."

"No it didn't. Not at all." She squeezed his hand. "If you slip up and call me that again, you won't hear me complaining."

"Good." He smiled. "Because it kind of fits. It's kind of like, 'you're mine, baby'."

They laughed. "Oh, so you're going to get possessive of me now, is that it?" She teased.

"_Get _possessive? Mac, I've been possessive of you for about eight years, three hundred and sixty -four days now."

"You have not!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Let's just say that I've been your guard dog for quite some time."

"I don't believe you." She thought back to one of the first times that they'd danced. She felt like he thought of her as a sister, and she told him so.

"Oh yeah? Remember Will Duncan from Legal Aid?"

Mac had to think for a minute. "Will…Will with the cute dimples? Yeah, what ever happened to him? He used to come around a l—" Suddenly a look of realization spread across her face. "You did not!"

Harm looked only slightly ashamed. "Sorry, Mac. He just wasn't your type."

"What did you—how—what did you say to him?"

"Nothing, really. I just explained to him that you were kind of a career girl and that between work, your love of reading and your tae-kwon-do lessons, you had little time for a personal life."

"You didn't!" She had already thrown her napkin at him. "Harmon Rabb. Do you mean to tell me that there's a man out there that thinks I'm a kung-fu fighting, library loving, workaholic?"

It sounded different when she said it. He tried hard not to laugh.

"I can't believe you!" She couldn't decide which she was more of, flattered, stunned or offended.

"I'm sorry, Mac. Well, I mean, I'm not sorry, but—how did we get on this subject anyway?"

"_Guard dogs_." She countered.

"Oh, right. And nicknames. Well," He was beginning to feel like maybe he'd revealed too much. Now probably wasn't the time to tell her about John from NCIS, either. He began rubbing the back of his neck. "have I mentioned that you look lovely tonight?"

Mac sat back in her chair, arms folded across her chest.

"Huh-uh, Rabb. You're not going to sweet talk your way out of this one." She lifted one corner of her mouth.

"Mac, come on. I was only looking out for you."

"You only had my best interests in mind, is that it?" Her smile was growing. He was irresistible, even when he was guilty.

"Of course I did. I always have."

"Well, I guess we'll never know if it was meant to be." She let out a long, dramatic sigh and looked up at the ceiling.

"What, you and Dimples? Of course it wouldn't have worked, Mac, you were too good for him."

She began to examine her cuticles.

"Mac, you don't really wonder if you and that dork could have—"

She pretended not to hear him.

He got up out of his seat and came over to her side of the table. He pulled out the chair beside her and took her in his arms, pulling her close. He leaned in to whisper in her ear. "You've always been mine, Mac, even when you didn't know it. I can't apologize for that." His breath was warm in her ear, causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand up.

She smiled, and turned to face him. Their noses touched and he cupped her face as he pulled her to him for a lengthy public display of affection.

"What do you say we box up the pizza and go home?" She whispered.

"I think that's a great idea." He couldn't take his eyes off of her. She had the ability to catch him off guard and he had the ability to make little moments surprisingly intense.

He motioned for the waiter, threw two twenty dollar bills on the table and stood to leave, helping her with her coat. She stopped fastening the oversized buttons on the front of her brown wool coat, and turned to face him. "Harm, I was thinking, maybe we could set a date for the wedding." Her eyes were dark and he felt like he was turning to putty. If another woman had ever made him feel this way, he certainly didn't remember it.

"Let's do it."

She extended her hand. He slid his warm hand perfectly into hers, and followed her out of the restaurant, the pizza still on the table.


	12. I Do

A/N: Here's a little fluff for your patience. It's a bit much for my taste, but it's the way that it wrote itself! Enjoy.

* * *

"Well, how did it go?" Mac asked as she played with the phone cord from her office. 

"It went very well. Commander McCool seems to have given us her blessing." Harm replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like we needed it, but you were right. It is helpful to get her perspective. I'm glad that we talked."

"I knew she'd love you." Mac smiled.

"Only because she knows I love _you_. I think she sees how committed we are to making this work."

"Well, thank you for talking with her. She's been a big help to me the last several weeks. It means a lot to me that you took the time."

"Not a problem. And she assured me that her door is always open, so when we have our first fight and I'm in the doghouse, I can plead my case with her." He laughed.

"Not likely, Sailor."

"What, the part about the fighting or me pleading my case?"

"Both. I'm quite certain that you'll do just fine when it comes to making up after a fight. Besides, you agreed to say 'yes dear' and nod your head, remember? There can't be any fights, then.""Hah, well, I don't know about that, but I certainly don't plan on spending any time in the doghouse. Especially if it means I can't sleep next to you."

Mac felt herself blushing. She wrapped the cord around her fingers again and smiled to no one in particular.

"Well by the end of next week—" She noticed Harriet standing in her doorway and decided not to finish her thought out loud. She motioned for Harriet to come in. "Uh, listen, Harriet's here. There are a few things that she and I need to go over. I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

"Okay." Harm smiled. "Bye." He flipped his cell phone shut and continued walking to his car. In five days they would be married. He couldn't believe it. Six months ago they were still dancing the same stubborn dance. Soon, they would be husband and wife.

Four days later

"I'll see you tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. Pretty soon you'll be so sick of me that you'll wish we could spend a day apart." She tried again to persuade him.

"I don't like this. Remind me again why I can't see you before the wedding?"

"It's tradition, Harm. Besides, I want you to be excited when you see me for the first time in my dress."

"Mac, I will be excited. I'm already excited. Can't I just come over? Just for a minute?"

Mac was laughing now. "No, you can't! And stop making this difficult for me. Go out with Sturgis or Bud or somebody. Tomorrow will be here before you know it."

He let out a long sigh. "I am pretty pathetic, aren't I?"

"Pathetic, no. Determined, yes. And I love you for trying, but go. Have fun. In less than twenty-four hours, we'll be married. Enjoy your last night as a bachelor. Just, don't enjoy it _too_ much."

"Okay, then. I guess I'll be going now."

Mac was confused. "Going, what do you mean?"

"Look outside your window."

Mac walked over to the living room window and peered through the blinds. There he stood in the parking lot below, leaning against the hood of his car."

She felt her heart pounding. "Harm—" She couldn't resist staring. "How long have you been down there?"

"The whole time we've been talking." He smiled and gave her a small wave.

"You are something else, do you know that?" Her voice was soft.

"I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I'll see you tomorrow." He pressed his fingers to his mouth and then waved once more before turning to leave. It took every ounce of will power that she could manage not to run down after him and to take him in her arms.

None of her previous relationships had been based on true love or trust. Harm was special in ways that she couldn't put into words, and it was important for her to approach their marriage with dignity and respect; two things that no other man had given her before. They had dated like he wanted, while wasting little time in planning the wedding. It would be a small, intimate affair with only a few close friends.

She moved away from the window and sat down on the couch. She reached for a notepad and pen, and began writing.

The next day

The large double doors were about to be opened. Harm stood at the end of the aisle, anxiously awaiting his bride.

On the opposite side of the doors, the Admiral took her arm in his. "Are you ready?" He smiled.

"Yes sir, I am." She let out a deep breath, and as the music grew louder, the doors were opened.

She immediately found Harm. She saw his breath catch in his throat, and was inwardly glad that she had caused the reaction. His eyes were searching, absorbing the sight of her walking toward him. She moved gracefully down the aisle in the champagne colored silk gown that she had chosen. It was embroidered with simple beading, and its thin straps accentuated her broad shoulders. Her hair was pulled up in a ball of loose curls, with small matching beads placed delicately for accent. Her olive skin was glowing in the light of the small candles that lit the aisle.

When the Admiral handed her to Harm, he moved to his designated spot, but barely heard the words that Chaplain Turner had uttered. He felt stuck in time, in slow motion, and on auto-pilot all at once. Her hands were now in his. They were facing each other, and he realized that it was time to speak.

He cleared his throat, and felt her squeeze his hands. "Sarah," he began, "it's taken us a long time to get here." He stopped to gain his composure. He could see the tears welling up in her eyes. "But I've known for a long time that this is where I'm supposed to be. With you, forever. My best friend, my partner and now my—" he paused again. "my wife."

Mac had to pull a hand away in order to wipe a stray tear. Here before her stood the man who had for so long been unable to open up, to let go. It was a moment that she had never before allowed herself to imagine.

He continued as she placed her hand back in his. "I promise to love you, to protect you, and to never leave you. All the days of my life."

It was brief yet poignant. She knew that he wanted to save some of himself for her and only her. When it was her turn to speak, she thought back to the words she had written on the paper the night before.

"Harm, there are no words to describe what this day means to me. You have given me strength that I didn't know I had. You have supported me, defended me and loved me in ways that I never thought were possible. To have your love and your trust…it means everything to me. I stand her today in front of God and our friends to say to you that I will never leave you. I will be with you in times of sickness and in times of health. I'll stand by you in times of trouble and in times of joy. I'll support you and honor you, and I'll be your greatest champion as you have been mine."

The tears were slipping down her cheeks, but she still managed to smile. "Thank you," she swallowed hard and took a moment to compose herself. She felt him squeeze her hands as a sign of encouragement. "thank you for seeing in me… a woman… who deserved to be loved." She felt immense relief as she finished her statement. She had argued many cases and stood before many a tough judge, but nothing compared to the level of emotion that she experienced in this moment.

She looked at Harm whose eyes were dark with desire. She could tell that he was impatient and she felt the same.

She heard sound coming from Chaplain Turner's mouth, but she was locked in the moment with Harm and paid little attention to what was being said. When he cleared his throat, she realized that he must have said something important.

"I _said_, you may now kiss the bride." He repeated.

Without missing beat, Harm drew her in to him, pulling her close and claiming her mouth on his own. The kiss was long and intimate. In any other ceremony it would have drawn a playful response from the audience, but not here, not now. Everyone knew that this was a kiss of promise, a kiss of affirmation.

When they finally separated, he rested his forehead against hers. "I love you," he whispered and she smiled back at him. "I love you too."

Chaplain Turner barely had time to dismiss them as husband and wife before they were walking down the aisle, hand in hand and through the doors to the limousine that awaited. The driver stood with the door open, and Harm helped Mac into the backseat.

She slid across the seat as he followed, never taking his hand off of her.

When the driver closed the door and the car began to move, Harm wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "We did it." He whispered.

She nodded. "We did it." She whispered with a smile. He pulled her closer.

"Harm, are you sure we're doing the right thing, I mean, just leaving the guests there like that?"

"Mac, this day is about you and me. They know that and they're happy for us. We'll have a little reception when we get back, remember?"

"You're right." She paused. "It was beautiful."

"Yeah, but now I get you all to myself." While their decision to wait to be together on their wedding night had been mutual, it had been difficult for Harm to accept at times. Their desire for one another was burning, and the longer they waited, the more difficult it became to contain.

"I'm all yours." She whispered, leaning in to kiss him. This time, there was no holding back. The wait was almost over and intensity gave way to passion. His hands explored her body and her fingers reached up to unfasten his tie. They kissed hungrily for the next several minutes, until the car slowed and came to a stop.

When they broke for air, his tie was in her hand and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone. One of the straps on her dress now rested on the side of her arm. She smiled at the thought of what the driver was about to see.

Harm smiled as well. "I'm sure he's seen worse." He read her mind.

The door of the car opened, and Harm wiped the corners of his mouth before stepping out. "Sir, madam." The driver said. "The Four Seasons. Enjoy your stay."

Harm handed him a gratuity before extending his hand to help Mac out of the car. She looked up at the building in awe. "Harm—"

"Only the best for you, Sarah." She looked all around, and then back at him.

He stood smiling, with a hand extended. "Shall we?"


	13. Finally

It began in the elevator. In the corner, standing with her back to her new husband and people piling in all around, his hands began to roam, first drawing small circles on her exposed back and then trailing his finger slowly up and down the back of her arm. The others, unaware, made small talk as if there was nothing unusual about the bride and groom who were trying hard to contain their desire in a public setting.

The elevator seemed to stop every other second, with new people piling in and others leaving. He was getting more nerve, unable to keep his hands off of her smooth, olive skin. It was inviting his touch. He didn't notice the hair standing up on the back of her neck, he was too busy searching for the zipper on the back of her dress.

When he found it, and yanked, she let out a gasp, and then recovered when the older couple turned around to see if she was okay. "You look lovely. Did you just get married?" The older woman asked.

Mac couldn't have cared any less about making small talk, but tried to remain polite, all the while feeling his large hand slip inside of her dress, making its way freely around her back, teasing her, leaving her hungry for more.

As the elevator finally resumed its slow ascent, the last person exited and the couple was finally alone, only one floor to go. She was frozen, unable to turn around, afraid of what might happen should she face him. He knew the effect that his touch had on her, only because it had twice as much on him. He was feeling brazen, uninhibited, and reckless. He leaned down and began to plant small, wet kisses from her shoulder blade up to her earlobe.

She reached out for the shiny brass bar to her right, needing to hold on to something for support. When number fourteen was finally illuminated on the panel in front of her and the doors finally opened, she cleared her throat as a young bell-hop smiled, waiting for them to exit. Realizing that her dress, now half zipped was exposing most of her back, she stayed close to Harm, allowing him to be her shield. She walked out in a sideways manner, with Harm close behind, smiling in a vain effort to be polite.

It seemed like an eternity before the elevator doors closed and the young observer was out of the way. Still afraid to face each other, Harm held her gently by the elbows, guiding her down the hall, occasionally stopping to plant a barely there kiss on the back of her earlobe.

She had never been so impatient for something—or someone—in all her life. The suspense and the need were overwhelming. All thoughts of an awkward encounter were out the window, with desire fueling her every breath.

As they made their way to the end of the hall, Harm found the plastic key in his pocket and slowly placed it in the slot of the door. This was it. No more waiting, no more wondering, no more longing. He slowly removed the key from the door, and as they heard the click of it unlocking, all composure was gone.

He pulled her inside, shutting the door forcefully behind her. He pressed her against it, pinning her on one side with his arm, tracing the line of her jaw with his other hand. It was the first time in several minutes that they had looked into one another's eyes, although it felt as if it had been hours. She reached up and began slowly unbuttoning the remaining buttons on his shirt.

He closed his eyes in pleasure as her hand snaked its way around to the waist-line of his pants. "Mac—" he breathed.

Willing and unafraid, she reached up to place her own trail of long-awaited kisses on his bare chest before her, moving her hands freely around his back and waist, freeing his body from his shirt. She was making him weak, and she knew it. He had had his turn in the elevator, now it was hers.

She watched as his eyes fought to stay open, and then closed. Her touch was exhilarating, intoxicating. She placed deliberate, gentle kisses on his chest and shoulders, purposefully avoiding his mouth, leaving him wanting her even more. Her fingers descended to his waistline, as she grazed his skin with her fingertips. When she reached for his belt, he could contain himself no more.

He jerked her toward him, finding her mouth with his, finally claiming it with a sense of possession and hunger that he had had to deny all day. She welcomed the kiss as it quickly deepened. They made their way slowly from the door to the bed, both pairs of hands exploring furiously.

When they reached the foot of the bed, the kiss was broken. Harm stood back for a moment, realizing that her dress was about to fall to the floor. He'd envisioned this moment a thousand times in his mind. Mac looked at him directly in the eyes, unafraid and un-intimidated. She slowly removed her shoes and stepped out of her dress, completely aware of his thoughts.

She was exposed now, in every sense of the term. Beyond the physical desire and the intense yearning, lay a sense of openness, of trust. It was a silent agreement, that they were officially crossing the line. No looking back. No more waiting, no more wondering and no more noble gestures to preserve friendship. There was love. There was marriage. There was a bond between them that none could ever break.

"You're so beautiful." He whispered.

"I love you." She replied. They fell onto the bed, joining together body and soul hungrily, slowly, with passion and with gentleness, until the morning sun peeked through the curtains, sharing its warmth and announcing the arrival of a brand new day.

* * *

A/N: There may be one more chapter, because it's hard to leave them here! Thanks for the great reviews. 


	14. Yes, Dear

"Are you awake?" He murmured, drawing circles on her arm with his fingers.

She responded with a grunt, and moved to nestle herself further in his embrace.

He smiled. "I'll take that as a no."

They lay together silently, entwined beneath the thin white sheet. As his eyes adjusted to the sunlight peeking in the room, he began to think about the woman that lay in his arms. He thought back to the day when they first met in the Rose Garden. He thought about all of the cases that they tried together, and apart. He thought about Paraguay, he thought about her capture and he thought about the wedding.

He pulled her closer, and planted a kiss on the top of her hair. The night before had been amazing. He was still in awe and still trying to process the reality of their intimacy. Any notion or fantasy that he had held in his mind in years past were far surpassed.

She began to awaken, reminding herself that she was being held by her new husband. "Penny for your thoughts." She spoke in a sleepy, raspy voice.

He smiled again. "It's about time you woke up. Am I going to have to drag you out of bed every day?"

"And why would you assume that after last night, I would _want _to get out of bed?"

He laughed and turned to face her. "That's a very valid point, Marine."

"You didn't answer my question." She yawned.

"I was thinking about you. About us." He planted a kiss on the tip of her nose.

"Any regrets?" She opened her eyes for the first time to see him staring at her, only inches from her face.

"About us? No. Only that we waited so long. Why, you?"

"Same. Although it's like we've talked about, I think we came together now for a reason. We probably wouldn't have been ready for this when we were younger."

"But I wanted it."

She pulled back to get a better look at him, reaching up to trace his lips with her finger.

"We wasted a lot of time, and we definitely took the long road, but it was worth it."

"It was worth it."

"No more time apart, deal?" Mac propped herself up on her elbow to get a better look at him.

He reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "I like the sound of that. But what about work? I mean, yours, obviously."

They hadn't really discussed his search for employment. He wanted to weigh his options and to see where things would lead with the two of them.

"I can always bring you with me on investigations." She smiled.

"Yeah, I'm sure that the Admiral would love that."

"Or I could see about getting transferred…" She was hesitant to hear his response.

"Transferred, why?"

"So that maybe you could come back to JAG." She hated it that he had lost not one, but two jobs because of her.

Her brown eyes said it all, and he loved her for thinking of him. "Mac, don't be silly. You've done well at JAG. You have a bright career ahead of you there. Besides, I think the government is done giving me paychecks. I've burned too many bridges."

"Then what do you want to do?"

"I don't know. Private practice sounds appealing some days. Less red tape, more freedom to choose who I want to help. Or I could always be a pilot."

"Hah, I don't know about that one, Mr. Rabb." She smiled and thought back to the latest crash, the one that landed them in the trees in Paraguay.

"Hey, are you questioning my abilities to pilot a plane?" He pulled her close.

"Nooo, it's not your ability, it's the circumstances that you seem to find yourself in." She grew more serious. "I can't handle another crash, Harm. I just can't."

He pulled her down on top of him. She rested her chin on her hands, which lay warm against his bare chest.

"No more crashes, Mac. And no more time apart. I don't know what I'll do, but I know that as long as I have your support, we'll be okay."

He ran his hands down the length of her warm body, remembering the sensations that had flooded him the night before.

She leaned up slowly to kiss him. "You've got it, Sailor. Now why don't you remind me again why we shouldn't be apart." She smiled slyly, and leaned in to kiss him behind the ear, the sensitive spot that she had found the night before.

He closed his eyes in pleasure, pulling the sheet around them both. "Yes, dear." He mumbled with a smile.

* * *

FIN! 


End file.
